Port, Call an Exterminator
by speaksis2
Summary: Chad discovers a little problem in his bathroom and sends for help. Help sometimes arrives in unexpected ways. Channy. One-shot.


**A/N: Yes. I know. I should be updating Cloudy with a Chance of Sonshine. But I saw an ant crawling around on my floor and I totally flipped out last night, and then I magically came up with an idea for a one-shot. So... sorry? Hope you enjoy it :) Oh, and as for the _Mackenzie Falls_ director's name... I can't remember his name (if it was ever mentioned..?) but I've read a couple fanfiction stories where the director's name was Timothy, so I'll go with that. If you're the official namer of the Mack Falls director, thanks for letting me use the name Timothy. Kudos to you for getting a lot of stories to use Timothy as the director's name. I believe that's all.**

**Disclaimer: Let's keep this simple. I don't own SWAC. Happy? -sobs-**

Chad's POV

"Oh, dear, sweet Chloe. I would love to dance with you by the Falls. But the truth is, the water has recently been infected with chlorine," I confessed to the gorgeous blonde in the mirror. _That was wonderful... But not wonderful enough. I'll need more emotion about the infected water. How would I get the emotion to-- _"Ugh!" I yelled, throwing down the latest _Mackenzie Falls_ script.

I looked back at the mirror, my hair looked a bit disheveled and my crystal blue eyes looked angry. _Deep breaths, Chad. In... and out. And in.... and out. _I calmed myself, a skill I'd picked up easily in the _Mackenzie Falls _Meditation Room.

My reflection in the mirror looked better. I smoothed my hair and turned from the large mirror to face the rest of my decadent bathroom. In a far corner was a pinball machine, amongst other arcade games and a small bowling set. The walls were pure white, along with the stainless white floor. Stainless, that is except for a small black dot not too far away.

Curious and slight annoyed as to what was disturbing my pure Chadness, I leaned into the black spot. It.. moved? That wasn't a spot, I realized, my eyes widening as the realization hit me, that was an-

"ANT!!!" I screeched, jumping a couple feet in the air and scurrying over to a nearby couch. I huddled on the couch and scanned the floor for the little dot. I dimly noticed it and shivered.

_An ant? _I thought, incredulous. _Why is a bug in my bathroom? Why is a bug anywhere near _Mackenzie Falls_? Bugs are supposed to stay far away, maybe by the _So Random _Prop House or whatever. Not here, not ruining the Chad vibe. _

I looked back towards where the black spot was. Startled, I saw the little ant had moved somewhere else. _Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no_. I warily stood up from the couch and tip toed over to where the ant last was. Then I squatted and looked around. It was gone. No black spot anywhere. Maybe I'd imagined it? Yeah... that was it. I'd imagined the ant. And now I was imagining the feeling of a bug crawling up my leg.

I screeched and jumped up again, hitting my leg repeatedly. The black speck fell back to the ground and resumed crawling as I jolted back towards the couch.

"Mr. Cooper?" My director, Timothy, poked his head in the bathroom door. "Is everything quite alright? I heard a very" the man laughed. He laughed. The ignorant, fool of a man had snickered at CDC. Oh no he didn't. "_manly_ yell come from in here." He smirked at me.

I composed myself, assured Timothy that I was just fine, and sent the foolhardy man away. Then I extracted my phone from my pocket (somewhat difficultly. I was sitting in a fetal-like position on the couch) and typed a message to Portlyn. _Port, call an exterminator_ and clicked Send.

I glanced towards the faulty black dot on the white floor. I glared daggers before hugging my knees to my chest tightly and wishing bugs didn't exist.

Ten minutes later, I heard a knock on my bathroom door. _The exterminator!_ I jumped up and cautiously walked to the door, keeping my eye on the stupid little bug on the ground. I knew the second I looked away it would disappear, and that was even scarier than seeing the bug in the first place. I blindly waved my hand, searching for the door handle and eventually swung open the door, all the time watching the ant that was crawling slowly around the floor.

"Alright, Chad. What do you need?" A familiar female voice asked.

I turned and got my first look at the "exterminator".

"Sonny?" I asked, surprised. She had on loose jeans and a t-shirt, not her usual ensemble of pretty, fitting clothing. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, something I'd hardly seen on her. She seemed to look amused. Sonny wore a little smile on her lips, as if she was secretly laughing at me. I unconsciously felt myself grinning I mentally slapped myself and got back out of la-la land.

"Chad. I hear you need an exterminator," she raised her eyebrows.

"What? Uhh... nope. No exterminator needed here," I laughed nervously, fighting the overwhelming urge to turn around and make sure the ant hadn't disappeared again.

"Really? Because Portlyn told Tawni and Tawni told me that you had a little bug problem and needed some help? Tawni said I should do it because I'm from Wisconsin and I 'practically eat bugs for dinner,'" Sonny made large air quotes. "Anyway, where's the infestation?"

"You're the exterminator Portlyn called?" I asked, still confused.

"Technically, Portlyn mentioned it to Tawni and Tawni suggested me, but yeah I guess so."

I nodded. I wasn't sure whether to thank Portlyn for giving me an excuse to see Sonny, or to curse her for letting Sonny see my weakness to bugs. The latter seemed more pressing. I could always visit Sonny over at the Prop House, but her seeing me being all scared around bugs was definitely not a good thing. I'd have to go over this with Portlyn later.

"Chad?" Sonny was waving her hand in front of my face. I snapped out of it. "Where are the bugs? I've got rehearsal in twenty minutes."

"Well... y-you see it's more like one bug," I slowly led her to where the small ant was crawling in circles. Sonny squatted and looked at the teeny bug.

There was a long silence. I nervously ran my hand through my hair, waiting for the laughter. I didn't have to wait long.

"You," Sonny choked out between laughs, "called me over for _this_? Chad, this ant's smaller than a pencil eraser! It's tiny! A baby ant! And there's only one!"

I glared at her. So what if I didn't like creepy crawling things, no matter how small they were? Eventually, Sonny calmed down enough to look up at me. I glanced away from her gaze, focusing on a tile on the floor, far away from the dumb little ant.

"Chad?" Sonny called softly. You okay?"

I looked over. Her brown eyes melting. Her face was perfectly blank now, all signs of mocking and laughter gone. I heard myself say, "Yeah."

Sonny nodded and turned back to the bug. She picked up the ant, lifted the blind from one of the windows and opened it. A gust of wind flowed through the bathroom as Sonny placed the ant of on the window ledge and closed the window. I fell back into the couch and sighed.

Sonny looked over at me and came over. I patted the cushion and she sat.

"So you're afraid of bugs?" Sonny asked, her voice serious.

"Yeah," I muttered, "Pretty stupid."

"Oh, it's not too bad," Sonny consoled me. "When I was little, I was terrified of most dolls. It was impossible for my mom to buy me any toys. I ended up collecting race cars."

I chuckled a bit. "Yeah, but you're not a guy. Guys are supposed to be fearless, strong, and all that. CDC can't be afraid of a little ant," I informed her bitterly.

"Maybe CDC can't," Sonny stood up. "But Chad can. I think it's kind of sweet, actually." She gave me a shy smile and left the bathroom.

Maybe, just _maybe_, bugs weren't so bad.

**A/N: Have you ever had that thing where you think about bugs and then suddenly you can't stop feeling like there's something crawling on you? I've been feeling that the entire time I've been writing. That's the last time I'm writing a story that even mentions bugs. Yuck. I'm like Chad, I can't stand them. I also hate killing them, though. It makes me feel bad. Anyway, now you know my personal opinion on bugs. Yay. Alright, author's note over. Review, please!!**


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